


Fix up a heart that I let down

by insufferablelovebirds



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Some Fluff, brief mention of a break down, i tried feelings i probably failed, idk man, idk they're in the south for a while, this is as as angsty as i get
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 10:53:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7168181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insufferablelovebirds/pseuds/insufferablelovebirds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“Tell me you feel it.” he whispered as the lights around the garden flickered to life. “Tell me you feel the miles between us.</i><br/><i>Louis looked over at him as his voice broke on the last word. “I’m right here.”</i><br/> </p><p>or</p><p>Louis and Harry go through the motions and need to get away from everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fix up a heart that I let down

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanted to write a fluffy bit but my brain had other ideas.  
> this is set maybe two-ish years from now? idk its an AU just roll with it and I literally have no idea what the process is to flip a house so this is probably way off D:  
> ~~Please let me know if I need additional tags ~~  
> unbeta'd as per usual
> 
> title from One Direction's "Where Do Broken Hearts Go?" ( formally "trippin' on skies sippin' waterfalls")
> 
> anyways, enjoy! 
> 
> *I have no ties to anyone this fic characterizes, I don't know or pretend to know them in the slightest, this is a work of complete fiction and is intended to only be seen by the fandom. *

Louis sat in the backyard, the smoke from his cigarette curling up in the air visible in the fading sunlight.

Harry swallowed, pausing at the door watching as his cigarette burned low, his eyes set on the horizon. He was only five feet away but Harry felt like he was on the other side of the world, he felt every mile weighing down on his chest, so heavy he could barely breathe.

He’d talked to Liam about it. “ _Maybe you’re just going through the motions?”_ he’d said. " _That happens.”_

“Yeah.” Harry had shrugged, sitting back and letting Liam ramble about his newest project.

 _“Maybe you two need to get away, you haven’t done that in forever.”_ Niall suggested, lining up his tee.

“Yeah, that might help.” Harry sighed, watching as the ball cut through the air.

Harry pushed off the door frame and sat in the chase next to Louis, their hands were inches apart but neither made the move to link them, Harry’s heart burned.

“Tell me you feel it.” he whispered as the lights around the garden flickered to life. “Tell me you feel the miles between us.”

Louis looked over at him as his voice broke on the last word. “I’m right here.”

The tears tracing down Harry's face felt like acid.

 

“Talk to me.” Louis whispered, curling up next to Harry.

It was late, hours after Harry had stripped down and turned off the lights, laying still on his side of the bed.

“Tell me you feel the distance, because if you don’t there’s no use.”

Louis propped himself up on his elbow, the moonlight catching on his cheekbones. “I feel you pulling away and I don’t know why.”

Harry turned on his side. “I don’t want to be together because it’s easy, because it’s what we know. I don’t want to be our death bed and wonder if every moment was really worth it. I don’t want to be that couple.”

“We’re not.” Louis argued immediately. “After everything aren’t we allowed to be easy?”

Harry turned his face into the pillow, smelling Louis shampoo. “We had a goal then, something worth fighting for. Is that all we had? A rebellion? What happens after wars?”

“Things change. The world adapts.”

“But we haven’t.” Harry whispered.

Louis reached out, hand resting lightly on Harry’s neck, thumb rubbing soft circles behind is ear. “What’s stopping us?”

“Fear.”

“That’s never been a problem before, not together. We can take on the world.”

Harry chuckled wetly. “What do you propose?”

Louis rested his forehead against Harry’s. “An adventure.”

The warmth of Louis forehead against his, his hands on his body, trickled slowly into Harry’s veins.

 

***

 

The humidity hit the moment they stepped off the plane, heat rising off the tarmac in waves.

“Well, this will be fun.” Louis said automatically taking Harry’s duffle bag off his shoulder when he stepped off the plane, knowing how his back acted after long flights.

“If we don’t melt.”

“Remember that time in Rio?”

“Barely.” Harry said mirth hidden in his voice.

“I remember every second.” Louis paused stashing their bags in the trunk of a rental car. “You were incredible..I’ve never seen you bright.”

Louis was looking through him, blue eyes critical and protective.

“Maybe that was the problem.” Harry turned and tucked himself into the passenger seat.

Harry watched the fields pass as Louis drove, the silence only broken by the GPS, they turned down an oak canopied street, the neighborhood was quiet and the houses far apart.

Old victorian houses stood steady on either side, some lawns manicured other a step more on the wild side.

“Here.” Harry said breaking the hush. He pulled a thin band off his right pinky holding it out to Louis. “You need this, we’re married.”

“I thought we were not being ourselves.” Louis said, not taking his eyes off the road as he held out his left hand.

Harry grasped his wrist gently sliding the band down his finger, it was a bit tight over the knuckle.

“It was the only way she’d sell the house to me.” Harry said softly, running his thumb over the band.

“That’s weird.”

Harry shrugged, hand falling into his lap. “Everything’s weird.”

 

“When you said let’s flip a house I thought you meant, like something decapitated.” Louis said following Harry out of the car.

The house was tall and victorian, ivy grew over most of the front, long tendrils reaching the roof  and draping over the sagging porch, the paint was peeling and a window on the second floor was boarded over, the grass over long and weed riddled.

Harry glanced over and made his way to the front door, pulling a key out of his pocket, Louis followed, testing his weight on the stairs.

“This isn’t bad.”

“We couldn’t handle something really big and she sold it to me under the condition I wouldn’t gut it. It was her grandfather’s.” Harry explained, shouldering the door open and stepping in.

Louis followed, the front door led into a small sitting room on the right with a rickety staircase on the left,  it smelled musty and everything was frozen time, a quilt over the couch, half burnt candles on the mantle glass cats lined up collecting dust on a low table.

“Tell me the grandfather didn’t die, because this is creepy as hell Haz.”

“He’s still alive.” Harry said fiddling with the thermostat.

Louis walked through, running his fingers through the dust on the coffee table.  
“When did you buy this?”

Harry glanced up, flipping through a pile of paperwork that was left on the sideboard.

“A year or two ago? I’m not sure.”

“You never told me.” Louis said, hating how thick his voice was.

Harry let his hands drop, fingers white on the papers. “You were in a bad place, it was a coping mechanism.”

Louis nodded, moving towards the kitchen.

“I didn’t think it would bother you this much.” Harry said following him.

“It doesn’t.”

“Seems like it does.”

Louis rounded the table, leaning against it. “It bothers me you had to cope with my shit.”

“Since when is it only yours?” Harry tossed the papers on the table. “We both went through it, Lou. You felt like shit and I felt like shit because you had to get out of it alone. You got out of it.  I bought houses. We dealt with it.”

“Did we? Isn’t that why we’re here?”

Harry shook his head, lip wedged between his teeth. “I don’t know.”

 

*

It took the better part of two weeks to get the outside of the house under control. They tackled the front first, replacing the rotten bits of roof from the porch, the warped steps. It took a day alone to strip and paint the front, replacing the baby pink with a glossy cream yellow. Louis trimmed the hedges while Harry mowed, they scrubbed the stone walkway together, hips bumping but never speaking.

The silence without the constant buzzing of their phones or meetings or engagements was deafening, Louis realized how little they spoke anymore. His voice was rusty, cracking at the end of the few words they shared; asking an opinion, saying goodnight.

 

Friday they wanted to finish up the backyard, the next week full of triple digit temperatures. Harry tamed the garden near the back of the fence while Louis fixed the porch swing. As he tested the swing he found himself watching the line of Harry’s back as he dug up the packed soil, Harry’s shoulders were tense, the back of his neck was burnt, It made Louis ache inside.

He wasn’t sure what made him do it but he picked up the bucket of water Harry had set aside to clean the tools and, standing a few steps away, dumped it over Harry.

“What the hell-” Harry spun on his heel, shaking water out of his face. “What the fuck Lou?”

Louis shrugged, setting the bucket down lightly. “That’s a good look.”

They stared at each other, the moment stretching, before Harry slowly peeled off his gloves, dropping them at his feet and taking a step towards Louis. His lips quirking up marginally as he advanced.

“Don’t do it.” Louis said reading the long seen glint in Harry’s eye.

Harry picked him up by the thighs tossing him over his shoulder.

“Harry, no.” Louis laughed.

Harry stopped and he was flying in the air water rushing over him as he sank to the bottom of the pool. Louis was momentarily thankful they’d gotten it cleaned and running last week, the water crystal clear and cool.

Louis broke the surface was a gasp, pushing his hair out of his face.

“Now that’s a good look.” Harry said, hands on his hips, shirt and hair still dripping.

Louis coughed a laugh and swam to the edge holding out a hand in silent demand, Harry cocked an eyebrow and took Louis hand. Of course Louis pulled him in making his way to the shallows while Harry surfaced.

“You knew I was going to do that.”

“Yeah.” Harry agreed, a few strokes found him in front of Louis, he planted his feet and stood, water hitting his chest as he ranked his hands through his hair.

“Remember that time in Australia we snuck out at like three in the morning to go skinny dipping in the ocean behind the hotel?”

Louis nodded. “We scandalized that poor elderly couple that went on an early morning walk.”

Harry’s smile was quick and fleeting. “I miss that.”

“Skinny dipping?”

Harry huffed a laugh, stepping towards him, his hands reached out and traced the curves of Louis’ body beneath the water without touching him, Louis shivered feeling the heat radiating off Harry’s skin in the cool water.

“Being that carefree..that young, that rebellious.”

“Have we really lost that?” Louis asked softly.

Harry shrugged. “Did we ever really have it? Were we working on borrowed time?”

“You don’t believe that.” Louis said, anger bubbling up. “I know you don’t. Why are you trying to get a rise out of me?”

“I miss you.” Harry whispered. “You’re right there and I miss you. I miss us.”

“I haven’t gone anywhere. We haven’t.” Louis wrapped his hand around Harry’s bicep, deflated.

“Then why do I feel like I’m living a ghost? Why do I feel like I forgot how to touch you?”

Louis stepped closer, they were only a few inches apart. “Then touch me.”

Harry’s bottom lip quivered, before he bit down on it, hands finally catching on Louis, like fire they traveled down his sides to rest heavy on his hips.

“I miss you.” Harry whispered again.

The kiss was crushing as Louis wound his arms around Harry’s shoulders pulling him close, it was messy and wet and too hard and biting.

Every nerve in Harry’s body was alive, the lightning dancing beneath his skin as they moved backwards, pressing Louis against the wall of the pool, their faces wet with pool water and maybe a few tears.

The dam had been broken, and Harry felt starved as he broke away from Louis mouth to suck marks on his skin, needing a fresh way to claim him, Louis tilted his head exposing his neck and thread his fingers into Harry’s hair, tugging tight.

“Do you remember that insane shower in our room?”

Harry pulled away from Louis neck, thumb coming up to rub the mark lightly.

“How can I forget? Harry whispered, hand clutching the back of Louis neck possessively. “I fucked you against it.”

Louis hummed. “Great shower that was.”

“Do you still want me?” Harry asked, vulnerability washing over him, cooling his blood and settling the nerves.

Louis tugged him snug against his hips, hands slipping into the back pockets of his shorts to keep him from pulling away.

“What do you think?” his voice was shot, rough and fucked. “It’s never been an question of if I want you, you know that?”

Harry bit his lip hard nodding, Louis cupped his face.

“Never been a question.” he whispered. “No matter what I will never stop wanting every bit of you.”

Louis wiped at the tear that tracked down his cheek with his thumb, pulling him close.

Harry buried his face in Louis neck hands wrapping tight around his body as his shoulders shook.

 

It was early when Louis felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly.

“What’s wrong?” Louis slurred, propping himself up with an elbow.

“Nothing, there’s a farmers market today and I wondered if you wanted to come with me?” Harry whispered, lips brushing Louis shoulder.

With Harry’s hand on his hip and his mouth against the skin of his back it felt like a test.

“Absolutely.” Louis said, still sleepy.

When Louis felt the curve of Harry’s smile against his shoulder it felt like he passed.

 

“So what’s the plan for inside?” Louis asked pouring his second cup of coffee, sleep making his blood sluggish.

Harry shrugged from his perch on the table, his eyes sparkled.  “Not sure, I had everything checked out - which is why we can stay here- so the wiring is fine and the paint isn’t lead, so all that’s left is the window upstairs and redecorating.”

Louis hummed, taking the crust off Harry’s plate.

“I’d like to keep some of the old furniture and antiques but it really needs updating.”

“Yeah I don’t think Pepto pink is the _in_ color right now.” Louis said waving at the dusty pink paint found throughout the house.

Harry nodded in agreement. “Maybe yellow? Or blue? I like the dark wood chair rail, and I’d like to not spend more than double what I paid for the house in decorating.”

“I don’t want to know that number do I?”

“No, trust me.” Harry laughed, standing to rinse his plate. “Ready?”

Louis nodded, tossing back the last of his coffee and rinsing his mug, meeting Harry at the front door.

 

The sun was hot when they got downtown, the river in the distance a murmuring force a side street had been blocked off and lined with vendors a park nearby had a few kids playing and the air was thick with the smell of a grill.

Harry jerked away when Louis reached for his hand as they walked.

“Sorry.” he muttered, cheeks flushing under his sunglasses, he bumped his hand against Louis, stepping closer. “Habit.”

Louis squeezed his hand quickly in response before  dropping it in favor of stuffing it in his pocket.

“Mornin’!” A woman said at the first stall. “Nice day, isn’t it?”

“It is.” Harry said stepping up to her table full of fruits. “These look lovely.”

“They are.” She promised. “Grown all of ‘em myself, what are y'all looking for?”

“What’s good?” Louis asked, clipping his sunglasses on the collar of his shirt.

“Well, the peaches are native so they’re nice and sweet- good crop, very juicy this year- the strawberries are sweet as well- picked last night. The plums, pears and others have been sittin’ getting just right the way my grand daddy taught me.”

“It all sounds delicious.” Louis said impressed. “What do you think H?”

Harry hummed. “I think I’m starving, can we have some of everything?”

The woman smiled and pulled out a canvas bag, loading it up with fruit. “So are y’all new or passing through?”

“Something like that.” Harry smiled, pulling out his wallet.

 

“These are incredible.” Louis said holding a strawberry out for Harry, they’d been walking for a couple of hours, picking up a bag of vegetables and a few other things.

Harry paused, glancing at Louis face before taking the proffered strawberry. Louis watched him a moment, looking away when a little girl in butterfly wings ran up.  
“ ‘Cuse me sir are you busy?”

“Not really, Do you need help?” Louis asked.

“No.” She said breezily. “There’s a festival on Saturday- not today, next Saturday- and the money from tickets is going to the animals! You want to come? It’s only five dollar a person!”

Louis smiled, sinking down to her level. “For the animals huh?”

The little girl nodded. “It’s gonna be lots a fun and lots a food!”

“Well in that case.” Louis laughed, he glanced at Harry and pulled out his wallet. “I’m afraid I’ve only a twenty, could you take an extra ten for a donation for the animals?”

Harry bit back a smile as Louis bypassed the smaller notes in his wallet to hand the little girl a twenty dollar bill.

“Yes! Thank you very much sirs!” she beamed pulling two tickets out of the bag slung over her butterfly wings and exchanging them for the money. She waved and ran off towards a woman that had wandered close, waving in thanks  before turning the bouncing little girl back to their booth.

“Do you want kids?” Harry asked as they got in line for coffee.

Louis looked at him sideways. “With you? I want a footie team's worth, why?”

Harry shrugged as he ordered two small iced coffees.

“Isn’t that what we always planned?” Louis pressed once they’d settled on a shady curb.

Harry sipped his coffee, tipping his face towards the sun. “You said you didn’t want any.”

Ice trickled down Louis spine. “What? When did I say that?”

Harry shrugged again, “Months ago, I dunno why it stuck with me...maybe because we always had  that when everything was shit, we had us and we had our future? It’s stupid.”  
“Harry I don’t remember that.”

Harry set his cup on the ground between his knees, wiping the condensation off on his thighs. “You were at the bottom of a bottle, I’m not surprised you don’t.” he sighed. “It was after - after everything, you were in the worst place- I don’t even know how we got on the subject - but you said you never wanted kids to learn all the shit about us.”

“I’m sorry.” Louis whispered.

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault.”

“You put up with me when I was a bad place, Harry I can’t- I can’t just let that go, I hurt you.”

Harry sighed again, playing with the frying edge of his jeans. “I didn’t ‘put up with you’  Lou. I love you and that means I’m here for you when you’re at your best and at your worst.”

Louis shifted to face Harry, cement digging painfully into his thighs. “I hurt you.”

Harry rubbed at his eyes under his sunglasses. “That was the first time I felt like I didn’t know you anymore.”

“I’m so sorry Harry.” Louis’ whisper was almost taken away by the murmur of the crowd around them. “You were there for my worst but I wasn’t there for you and I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

Harry chuckled wetly. “You deserved to have a break down Lou.”

“But not when it means I’m hurting you.”

Harry wrapped his hand around Louis ankle, sending bolts of electricity up his spine. “I'm fine, you’re better now. It’s nobody’s fault.”  

He said it like a rehearsed line- it probably was. Louis thought back to those therapy sessions they’d been convinced to attend once things had settled. He and Harry had never attended a session together but his sessions helped him out of his slump, giving him a motto to repeat when he felt himself slipping those first few weeks. _We’re alright, it’s all been worth it in the end_.

 

~

 

“Hey Lou, you ready?” Harry called from the front door, he made a face at the floor, he could feel the heat from the sticky day seeping in under the door hitting his bare ankles.

Louis wandered over from the kitchen, a cup of tea cradled in his hands. “Sorry I feel like shit, can you handle going alone?”

“What’s wrong?” Harry asked stepping forward to feel his temperature.

Louis shrugged, leaning into Harry’s palm. “Just feeling crap. Sorry.”

Harry shook his head. “Don’t be, You’ll be alright here alone?”

“I think I can handle being alone a few hours.” Louis raised his eyebrows.

A ghost of a smile flickered across Harry’s face, before it turned tight and he was gone, shutting the door softly behind him.

 

Harry was sore as he opened the door, dusk was falling outside and he had spent the whole day moving, loading and unloading  furniture, he had bruises on both thighs from dropping a table and he hadn’t heard from Louis all day.

“Lou?” The house was dark when Harry stepped in and  toed off his shoes, there was a rustle towards the back of the house, he made his  way to the kitchen. “If the wirings gone bad I’m going to be pissed -”

The back door was wide open, letting the the cooling air sift  in, the back porch filled with flickering candles.

“Wiring’s fine.” Louis said behind him, he had changed since this morning into light jean shorts and a red shirt, feet bare and a bottle of wine sweating in hand.

“It’s been awhile since we just had dinner and talked and I was feeling better by this afternoon so..” he trailed off with a shrug.

“You made us dinner?”

Louis raised his eyebrows. “I am capable.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Harry said.

Louis nodded and cocked his head towards the porch. “It was cooler outside.”

 

They washed dishes, elbows bumping. Dinner had been tense but not unbearably so, conversation flowed, it had been weird to try and re-learn each other when they’d never had to before. Their ticks as a couple came naturally but flatly as they over compensated.

“Remember that week we detoxed?” Harry asked softly.

“We were miserable.”  Louis remembered.

A few weeks into a new year they realize how dependant they’d become on uppers and downers and how unstable that was, setting aside a week to go cold.

It hadn’t  been enough to kick the desire completely  but enough to curb it. They rarely left their bed during that week too miserable to do more than sleep and sprint to the bathroom as the drugs left their systems.

It had been comforting, wrapped around each other, staring at the ceiling when they couldn’t sleep, a hand rubbing backs while stomachs emptied, headaches pounding in-sync in withdrawal.

“Yeah.” Harry whispered. “I never doubted we could do it.”

“You didn’t?” Louis asked, setting down the plate he was drying. He remembered being very vocal about how they couldn’t kick the need like that, leading to Harry’s gloating when they’d done it.

Harry shook his head. “We were together.”

Louis chuckled softly, picking up another plate to dry. “We’re good a team aren’t we?”

Harry hummed before shutting off the water and placing wet soapy hands on on Louis hips, Louis turned and was pinned against the counter.

Harry stared at him before leaning down and kissing him, Louis hands went to his hair while Harry’s fingers bit into Louis hips.

“I love you.” Harry broke away with a gasp. “I haven’t said it in so long-”

“I love you too.” Louis whispered, clutching the back of his neck, terrified of letting go, of this moment ending. “I love you so much.”

Harry’s eyes fluttered shut and he rested his forehead against Louis.

Louis’ fingers carded through the hair at the nape of Harry’s neck.  
“I never stopped, you know? I never stopped for a second -”

“I know."

 

Thursday they decided to paint, the back door was thrown open letting the the sound of the light rain float in as they worked in the sitting room, replacing the dusty pink with a soft violet.

“You’re getting it everywhere.” Harry said wiping a splatter of paint off his cheek, looking up at Louis.

“Well don’t stand under where I’m painting you knob.” Louis flicked purple splatter hair out of his eyes.

“Some things really don’t change.” Harry said, stretching to paint a little higher on the wall.

Louis paused, remembering when they painted a wall in their house years ago, they’d gotten paint everywhere and it had taken hours longer than it need to, breaks taken by tickle fights and kisses.

He stepped down a rung on the stool and swiped his brush across Harry’s cheek.

Harry’s mouth dropped open as he turned, mischief sparkled in his eyes as he painted a line down Louis throat.

He let out a cackle at Louis squack.

Louis stepped off the stood and advanced, aiming for Harry’s forehead, Harry caught his wrist and pulled him to his chest, while his other hand went to Louis hair.

“Don’t you dare.” Louis gasped, grabbing Harry’s wrist.

Harry smiled, dimples cratering his cheeks eyes twinkling as they pressed closer together, chest to chest.

His eyes flicked down to Louis lips as they leaned in Louis leg gave out and sent them toppling to the dropcloth Harry laughing into Louis throat. He propped himself on his elbows to look down at Louis.

“Kiss me.” Louis whispered, wiping a smudge of paint off Harry’s cheek.

Harry obliged, catching his mouth in a soft kiss, trailing down his throat, despite the speckles of paint, his hand came to Louis hip.

“Tell me no.” he breathed, sucking a mark onto Louis jaw.

Louis’ hands caught in Harry’s hair, dragging him back to a kiss. “Please.”

 

Louis padded downstairs to find Harry in the sitting room with a woman in a pantsuit.

“You two have done amazingly, what else needs to be done?”

“We’re waiting on the furniture and the window upstairs is set to be replaced-”

“Monday morning.” Louis yawned, waving from the doorway.

“Morning love.” Harry chirped. “Coffee’s in the kitchen, oh and this is Samanthia the real estate agent.”

“Thanks, babe. Nice to meet you.” Louis said before shuffling into the kitchen, he returned a moment later clutching a mug of coffee and sat on the arm of Harry’s chair.

Harry nodded along with Samantha and sat back, his arm wrapping around Louis lower back to hold his hip.

“I can’t wait to see everything come together when you’re done.” Samanthia said excitedly, packing up her papers and shaking Louis hand. “I’d heard you had an eye for this sort of thing but I never expected it to be such a modest way of putting it.”

Harry stood and shook her hand, walking her out.

“You could have woken me.” Louis said.

Harry shrugged, returning to the chair. “She just wanted a progress report. You were restless last night.” He kissed the base of Louis spine through his shirt. “Want to talk about it?”

Louis shook his head, swinging his legs across the chair and easing himself onto Harry’s lap. “It’s nothing.”

Harry laced their fingers together. “Nothing? Or nothing, nothing?”

“Nothing, nothing.” Louis promised leaning his cheek against Harry’s head. “Come on I’ll make breakfast.”

 

  
***

 

The air was muggy and filled with the thick scent of deep frying oil. They made their way towards the filled rumbling grounds hands brushing, shoes crunching on the sun dried grass. Louis pulled their tickets out of his wallet handing them to the older woman behind the booth’s glass, she sized them up, eyes falling to the rings.

“Problem?” Louis asked cheerfully.

“Not at all honey here’s your wristbands.” she replied coldly sliding the bands towards him.

“Ta, love.” Louis winked stepping away and up to Harry. “Old people are weird.”

Harry snorted softly as Louis attached his wristband as they walked, taking the other and doing the same for Louis, it rested above the skull like a crown.

“Let’s eat greasy junk and drink cheap beer until we puke.”

“I’m not puking over cheap beer.” Louis scoffed.

“When did you get fancy?” Harry asked, hip checking him.

“Excuse you, I was born fancy.” Louis said shoving him as they got in line for a funnel cake.

Harry’s laugh was loud and carefree and  fit in the mood of the festival as he wrapped his arm around Louis shoulders.

They walked through the booths, buying various trinkets and handmade jewelry for their families Harry waved a knitted stuffed lion at Louis.

“You think he’ll be grown out of lions?”

Louis fingered the fluffy mane. “I don’t he’ll care either way if he knows you picked it out.” Louis touched his hip. “He’s like me like that.”

 

They did drink cheap beer, splitting a overflowing plastic cup, fingers sticky from sickly sweet pastries.

They played games, purposely losing, a few vendors refused to let them go without a small prize, they had fun handing them off to little kids who had none. The sunlight faded and the lights of the festival winked on, casting multicolored beams around the grounds as the older crowd filtered in, the beer booths getting louder and the music getting more club worthy.

“I feel old.” Louis said slipping his hand into Harry’s.

“Because you’re not getting arrested for public nudity?” Harry asked frowning behind him.

Louis laughed. “No, because I’m thinking about what time we need to go to bed so we can function in the morning.”

“I don’t think that’s being old.” Harry mused. “I think that’s more being responsible than anything else.”

Louis hummed. “You remember that first time we stayed up all night talking?”

“‘Course I do.” Harry said shifting their course to head to the ferris wheel at the back of the festival. “That was the morning I realized I was in love with you.”

“You always say that and I still don’t believe you.”

Harry shrugged. “It’s the truth.”

“That night we went through the liquor cupboard and you got sick.” Louis said as they climbed into a carriage, the teen frowned at them as he clipped the gate closed. “That’s when I realized I was in love with you.”

“We’d been there three days.” Harry teased with a grin, he loved hearing how besotted Louis was.

Louis shrugged. “You were as much a charmer then as now, how could I not?”

Harry laughed as they were whisked upward, the lights flashing casting Louis face into rainbows, his face soft and young as he peeked over the edge, foot pressed against Harry’s, the wheel paused with them at the top.

“Marry me.” Harry said, the sounds of the festival distant spread out beneath them in twinkling lights.

“Right this moment?” Louis asked, a soft smile playing on his lips.

“We could do it.” Harry said, looking over the edge as they started decending. “Just go and do it and leave everything behind. Keep the bubble.”

Louis sat back, arms spread across his side of the carriage. “We could.” he agreed. ”But we both know we won’t.”

Harry huffed out a soft laugh. “We won’t, so not this moment.”

Louis smiled at him as they stepped out, lacing their hands as they made their way around the edge of the drunken festivities.

“I’ll wait a lifetime, if it’s needed, this is enough for me.”

“I’d rather not wait that long. Soon.”

“Soon.” Louis agreed, pressing him against the car. He laughed as Harry struggled unlocking it, biting down his neck. Once he’d climbed in Louis quickly declined his seat and straddled him he shut the door with a thud, Harry giggled as they were thrown into darkness.

 

“I want to go home.” Harry whispered, pressed tight against Louis back, it was too hot, they’d be covered in a sheen of sweat by morning but it didn’t matter. “But I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Losing this.”

Louis brushed his lips along the knuckles of Harry’s hand. “We won’t let it go, okay?”

“Promise?” Harry whispered,  he sounded so young it shattered Louis.

Louis rolled over, he could count Harry’s eyelashes in the gloom. “I promise you I will never let you go.”

 

~

 

The furniture arrived, the window was replaced and Harry was handing the keys to Samantha by Wednesday.

“I’ll take care of it.” She promised.

 

Louis watched rain pelted the tarmac as they sat waiting for the pop up storm to pass, their hands were linked on his thigh and Harry was asleep on his shoulder. It felt different than when they arrived, the air between them comfortable, settled, revived.  

 

“I think we killed the cactus.” Louis said toeing off his shoes and dropped their bags, eyeing the dry plant by the door.

Harry laughed as he walked through immediately opening the doors to the porch, letting the air float through, they were miles from the ocean but the breeze hinted at the saltiness. 

They should take a day trip soon. The idea pinged as reckless, as usual but Louis was tired of being careful, they'd been careful too long, missed too much, so much always on hold, there wasn't anything holding them back now, he wanted to live. Never wanted to see that sparkle leave Harry's eye again, never wanted to tell him no.

“I don’t think it’s dead.” Harry said hooking his chin over his shoulder. “We’ll water it and see, maybe it needed a respite from us.”

“I love you.”

“For my cactus knowledge?” Harry chuckled pressing a kiss to Louis neck.

Louis shrugged. “Just do.”

Harry smiled against his skin. “Hungry?”

“Starving.”

Harry played the voicemail while they gathered things for sandwiches, too tired to really cook.

 _“You’ve probably not forwarded your voicemails because you’re honestly such dicks.”_ Gemma’s tinny voice ran through the kitchen. _“But have fun. You two deserve it...and come home when you can, I might miss your ugly mugs.”_

Harry smiled at Louis' chuckle, It had been over a year since they'd gone home, maybe it was time for a change, winter in London was beautiful after all.

Their mother’s messages were alike. _“Take care of yourself, I love you both.”_

Louis shredded lettuce while Harry sliced a tomato.

Niall’s message was short. _“I love you guys you know? Good luck, we’re rooting for you. Call when you get back we’ll catch up I miss you bastards.”_

“You’d think we were going off to war.” Louis laughed, spreading twice the amount of mustard on Harry’s bread as his own.

“Another reason we could never just run off.” Harry said popping a pickle in his mouth and grinning at Louis face.

Liam rambled about what they’d missed over the month and half they were gone. _“Anyway this is probably taking up most of your voicemail so anyway we should get together once your...once you get back.”_

Harry sliced their sandwiches, Louis collected two beers, taking them out to the deck.

“We should have dinner with them.” Harry said, setting their plates near the end of a chase.

Louis hummed in agreement, smiling as Harry wedged himself on the chair with him.

“We should, but not today.”

“Definitely not today.” Harry’s fingertips drug across Louis jaw, tipping his face up for a kiss.

“You taste like pickle.” Louis whispered breaking the kiss with a laugh.

“You’re a menace.” Harry said snuggling into the chair, draping an arm around Louis shoulders.

Louis sighed, leaning into Harry. “It’s good to be home.”

Harry pressed a kiss to the top of Louis head. “It really is.”

 

***

 

“How are things?” Liam asked, leaning back on his hands, blowing smoke into the air.

They were sitting on the edge of the pool, Niall and Harry fussed over the grill, deck table set and waiting.

Louis shrugged, kicking his legs making the water swirl, the pool lights would turn on soon, the sky a bright orange.

“You know what they should do? “ Louis said, rolling his beer bottle between his hands. “They should give you a handbook when you have a break down, like just giving you a checklist of how you’re going to hurt the person you love most while they try and help you put yourself back together, how you’re going to break their heart and have to figure out how to mend it, because- honestly- that would have been helpful.”

Liam watched him closely, stubbing out his cigarette. “Are you okay now?”

Louis glanced up. “Me? I’m fine.” he rolled his eyes at Liam’s pout. “It was months ago, Li, there was nothing you could have done. I fell into hole and I had to get myself out. Only mum and Anne knew beside Harry.”

Liam gripped his wrist. “Just so you’re better.”

Louis smiled at him and made a move to hit him, Liam grabbing his wrist in time. “I’m good.”

“How are things with H? He talked about you two having a rough spot?”

Behind them Harry let out a cackle, leaning over as he laughed, Niall shaking his head. Catching his breath Harry straightened and caught Louis eye, his smile turned soft and private before he ducked away.

“We’re good.”

 

**

 

Louis rolled over, watching Harry putter around the bathroom, he was still a little tipsy, swaying on his feet as he wiped himself down. Harry felt his eyes and glanced up, giving him a private smile and tossing the dirty cloth into the sink.

“We’re good.” Louis said, more of a question than a statement.

Harry crawled into bed, draping himself over Louis, making him laugh.

“We’re really, really good.” he whispered, lips pressed to Louis temple, a smile curling around the words.

He rolled away to turn off the light and returned, entwining their fingers.

Louis kissed him goodnight, lips lingering on Harry's skin.

_We're perfect._

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://therosiestofdaggers.tumblr.com/)
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